Great Britain
By "Paul Cattermole"
Many have tried to portray Britons, and many have failed. True Brits are rare around Livejournal's waters, so a lot of those who attempt this feat are American, and resort to stereotypes, how they imagine British people behave and speak. This is generally known as Cartoon English. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
First off, Britain's currency is the pound sterling. We have coins to the value of 1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p, 50p, £1 and £2. We also have £5 notes, £10 notes, etc. These have the Queen on one side and a famous Briton such as Charles Darwin on the other. The Queen is on one side of all coins excepting the £2, which is relatively new and is very pretty! There are 100 pence in a pound.
Britain is a member of the European Union, and is prominent in world affairs, notably being friendly with George Bush and helping to deal with situations such as Iraq and Afghanistan. Our leader (Prime Minister) is Tony Blair. This may seem like simple stuff, but I'm sure that many people would not know this. The Leader of the Opposition is Iain Duncan Smith. The three main parties in Britain are Labour (Tony Blair), Conservative (Iain Duncan Smith) and Liberal Democrat (Charles Kennedy).
There are four areas - England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. Ireland is divided up into N.Ireland (belonging to England) and Eire, which is independent. The struggles in Belfast and so on are violent and often result in death and your celebrity, if Irish, will probably not live there. Within each country are many counties. For instance, I live in Surrey, my friend lives in Kent. In Ireland, they might live in County Cork (Co.Cork), or County Durham (Co.Durham). Major cities include Manchester (England), Birmingham (England), Liverpool (England), Newcastle (England), Glasgow (Scotland), Edinburgh (Scotland), Dublin (N.Ireland), and Cardiff (Wales).
Britons spell words with re, and u. This means that we say centre and colour, and this is why Canadians do the same. However, rather than saying pop or soda, we call drinks such as Coke a 'fizzy drink'. My mother still says pop, though, and many older people in their late forties may say the same. We don't go to the movies, we go to the cinema. ALWAYS REMEMBER that Brits say this, because your cover will be immediately blown if you say something in the vein of "I'm not the center of the universe, you know." We call our parents mum and dad.
We have digital and cable television. This means we have a lot of similar programming to America, such as MTV, and we have programmes such as The Box. Our terrestrial television (which is the basic five channels, and which is what I have) is BBC1, BBC2, ITV, C4 and C5. Your celebrity is likely to appear on programmes such as Top of The Pops (the premier music show in Britain), Film 2002 with Jonathan Ross, CD:UK/SM:TV, or generally in any show that is broadcast. There is a lot of American programming on UK televisions.
Music-wise, the main genres include garage (Oxide and Neutrino), R&B (more American artists such as Nelly), pop (Blue), indie (Coldplay), ska (Capdown) and metal (Raging Speedhorn). There is also music such as the Sugababes who are hard to classify. Bear in mind that many American artists get in the British charts. For instance, this week the Top 5 consisted of Nelly and Kelly, Justin Timberlake, Blue (a British boy band), Big Brothaz (a British garage group) and U2 (a British band).
If in music, your celebrity will know most of these people. For instance, S Club know Blue, who know Westlife, who know ... You see where I'm going with this? If in film, and if they're a famous actor, they'll probably be friends with sets of actors including Jude Law and so on. You must remember that your celebrity will know these bands, groups, and other British actors. Otherwise your lack of knowledge immediately shows.
Most of the celebrities live in London, so I'll try to tell you a little about that. London is a big, multicultural city. It's the capital of England. If you're Scottish, Edinburgh is their capital, and Cardiff for Wales, Dublin for N.Ireland. The main places you'll shop are Oxford Street, Bond Street and the Portobello Market. The first two are posh, expensive places for rich celebrities, and the latter is a cool market for second hand clothes and sundry other items. People such as Sadie Frost have bought dresses from there (she wore hers to the Oscars). The other main place is Camden Town. Camden is shabby, but it's where you can get the best bargains for clothes and trinkets, bracelets and the such like. Your celebrity will probably visit there, but not if they're someone like Prince William or Liz Hurley!
When swearing, stick to fuck, bitch, shit, crap, cunt. We do not say 'fook'. Don't try and write in dialect - it looks stupid and unrealistic. We spell ass as 'arse', incidentally, and we don't say butt, we say 'bum'. 'Pikey' is a common term used to describe those who walk around in adidas and Nike puffa jackets and tracksuits. However, 'townie' is also an acceptable term of use.
Main drinks: Beer - Guinness, John Smiths, Budweiser, and the usual American stuff. Alcopops - WKD, Smirnoff Ice, Red Square, Archers Aqua. Basically your usual Bacardi, Martini, all that. Silk cut for cigarettes, but you'll get away with this. It's not really important. Just remember that you're going for a 'pint' of 'Guinness' or something, and you'll be fine.
Top of the Crop for portraying Britons: Jon Lee, Alex James, Will Young, Gareth Gates, Dave Rowntree, Teddy Thompson, and Hannah Spearritt.
