Buffalo
By "Christina Applegate"
Everything you hear, read and see about Buffalo is probably true. It’s not the greatest place to live, or even visit. But unfortunately, some of us end up there for one reason or another. I’ll give you a quick guide to what you might need to know.
It snows. A lot. Late October to mid-to-late April is winter some years. Lake Erie is basically the biggest bitch you will ever encounter. Lake effect snow is awful because you often never know it’s going to form, and then it starts and never ends. It gets cold too. It’s normal to have days where it doesn’t even hit 10°F. It’s not uncommon to be in one part of the area and have snow or rain, and less than a mile away, it’s sunny and warm.
Summer is… not very summer-y. When I say summer, I mean every month that it’s not snowing. Many years, you will get full summers where it doesn’t go past 80 and it rains the entire time. Sometimes you’re lucky and it’s 90 all summer, and barely rains, though remember, this is rare.
Anyway, the more interesting stuff. Buffalo is often referred to as the Queen City because it was the second largest city on the Great Lakes in the early 1900’s. Locals still call it that, though it’s far from it. For sports, you have the Bills (football) and the Sabres (hockey). There are also smaller teams, such as the Bisons (minor league baseball). But the Bills and Sabres are your main teams. Don’t be surprised to run into a rabid Bills fan. True Buffalonians are Bills fans through and through.
If you want to go out at night, head to Chippewa. Crocodile Bar, D’arcy McGee’s, Quote and Utopia are probably the most popular, that I can think of. McMonkeez isn’t bad either. And Anchor Bar, can’t forget Anchor Bar. If you want real chicken wings, head there. If you don’t want to go to Chippewa, then you’re pretty much screwed. Last call is 4 am. During the day there’s the Walden Galleria Mall that you can shop at. Two floors, a decent amount of stores. Then up and down Galleria Drive are tons of other shops. If you want culture, there’s the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra, the Albright-Knox Art Museum and Shea’s Theatre. During the summer, there’s the Allentown Art Festival and the Taste of Buffalo and there’s something wrong with you if you are here during either and don’t go, especially when it comes to Allentown. There are many houses and buildings built by Frank Lloyd Wright.
Talk. You’ll often hear the football stadium referred to as Rich Stadium (It’s been Ralph Wilson Stadium for years now), or the baseball field called Pilot Field (now Dunn Tire Park). “The” comes before every route, expressway, etc. Wide Right is practically a curse word. Every town has their own accent. It’s pop, not soda. People will get mad if you say soda. Couch, not sofa.
We’re very proud of any famous person that hails from the area. You’ll meet more people than you can imagine that went to high school with or dated Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls. And more still that let them practice in their garage or “were there when they came up with that name”. Then you also have Chad Michael Murray and John Stevens. Everybody knows at least one of them, or claims to. Such as, Chad was supposedly my old friend’s second or third cousin, and I went to high school with someone that was John Stevens’ tennis coach.
You’ll end up spending more time in Canada than anywhere near Buffalo. When you hit 19, you spend a lot of time in Canada. Most of our beer comes from there. There are four bridges from Buffalo to Canada. The Peace Bridge is the most popular. There’s also the Queenston-Lewiston Bridge, the Rainbow Bridge, and lesser-known Whirlpool Bridge.
Byron Brown is the current mayor. Erie County is basically near ruins due to some major political screw ups recently. If your character is from the area, learn about what’s going on in the county, and learn it well. We can spot you from a mile away if you have no idea what the Erie County Budget Crisis is. Chances are, if your character says they come from or live in Buffalo, they’re from the suburbs.
