Scotland
By "Dougie Payne"
Several celebrities are Scots, but they never talk about places other than England, which is why some people think of Scotland as a place where there is not much to do. Well, here's a little guide for those willing to know more about the greatest city in Scotland. Although Edinburgh is a beautiful and amazing cosmopolitan city (and the capital of Scotland), I'll dedicate this guide to Glasgow, an even greater city.
First of all, here are a few facts of Scotland.
Scotland is one of the four constituent nations which form the United Kingdom (the other three are England, Wales and Northern Ireland (NOTE: Northern Ireland is owned by Britain but the Republic Of Ireland is a separate country). Scotland forms the northern part of the island of Great Britain.
Scotland is very rich in history, much of which is preserved in historic buildings throughout the country. It is a country that can be explored without planning a trip, as it always has either some touristic attraction close by or an incredibly beautiful landscape to offer. Throughout history many battles were fought against the English in order to gain independence. Scotland's national identity is very important to the people and we are (generally) very proud to be Scottish. You will find that a few people in Scotland express their dislike of the English, but that should not always be taken serious.
Scotland has two flags. The national flag, a diagonal white cross on a blue background - known as the saltire, is one of the oldest flags in the world. The second flag which is often seen around Scotland is the Lion Rampant, a red lion on a yellow background. It is the royal banner of Scotland and actually should only be used by a Scottish monarch.
The name "Glasgow" derives from the Celtic "Glas-cu", which means "the dear, green place". Glasgow is also known as the "Second City of the Empire". Its people possess a style and swagger that makes Edinburgh's look staid and stuffy by comparison. The licensing laws may not be continental but they're more liberal than they are in London and the atmosphere is infused with those vital Glasgow ingredients missing from so many large British cities - warmth and humour. Glasgow is the most Scottish of cities, with a unique blend of friendliness, urban chaos, black humour and energy. It boasts excellent art galleries and museums, as well as numerous good-value restaurants, countless pubs and bars. Culture is important in Glasgow life, galleries and museums are in abundance (most with free admission). Places to visit are The Glasgow Art Gallery, The Modern Museum of Art, Glasgow Cathedral, The Museum of Religion, among others.
The countryside is a beautiful tumble of raw mountain peaks and deep glassy lakes. Walkers will find some spectacular Highland scenery. Cyclists in search of the wild and remote will enjoy the Highlands and islands of the northwest. Scotland is Britain's biggest skiing centre, and golf is, of course, a major attraction. Many trips to Scotland are complete without a visit to Loch Ness for a bit of Nessie-spotting, but hey, if you've got the time, why not go? It's a lovely, eerie place, and the perfect lair for a monster.
Statistically, your best chances of fine weather are in May, June and September; July and August are usually warm, but may be wet too. In summer, daylight hours are long; the midsummer sun sets around 11pm in the Shetland Islands and even Edinburgh evenings seem to last forever in June and July. In December the sun doesn't show its face for very long at all.
When it comes to transport, the easiest way to cover distances is by Taxi. Taxi drivers expect to be tipped about 10% though. The Glasgow subway has a single circular route. This and the orange-coloured paintwork of the carriages have led to it being known as The Clockwork Orange.
A train from London can get you to Edinburgh in four hours, Glasgow in five, but tickets are fairly pricey.
Scotland is expensive, but nowhere near as expensive as England. As in the rest of the United Kingdom, the currency is Pounds Sterling, and banknotes and coins are issued by The Bank of England, the UK's government-owned central bank. Unlike England and Wales, Scottish law permits certain private banks to issue their own, legal, sterling banknotes. These are The Bank of Scotland, The Royal Bank of Scotland, and The Clydesdale Bank. These notes are very common in Scotland, but sometimes banknotes may be difficult to exchange outside the UK, where banks are generally unfamiliar with the notes. Also, Scotland has £1 notes which the rest of the UK doesn't. They're only legal tender in Scotland so can't be spent in England, Wales or Northern Ireland. I've even known some English people to think the notes are fake because they don't know they exist.
Glaswegians famously love their sport, especially football, with the rivalry between Rangers and Celtic (known locally as The Old Firm). Both these teams have what can only be described as a stranglehold over Scottish football, simply because of the massive support they attract, both at home and abroad. Nothing can compare with the intense atmosphere of an Old Firm game.
When it comes to nightlife, the big advantage Glasgow has over rival towns and cities is the fact there are nightclubs that cater to almost every need. Whether you like techno or trance, hip hop or drum and bass, Glasgow has the club for you
Bars are the places you meet people and where you have a good time. More than in other countries, bars are very lively and it is easy to get to know people when you're traveling alone. The Scottish are very welcoming, so it's not unusual that they will buy you a beer even though you just met them. The legal drinking age is 18. Some of the most common and/or popular drinks you'll find are the Ales beer, measured in pints; Irn Bru, a highly popular, fizzy, orange-coloured soft drink that is supposed to be the best cure for a hangover, be aware its loaded with caffeine!; and of course, Whisky, Scotland's most famous export.
Some of the most popular clubs and bars are King Tut's, which was the launch pad for major acts such as Oasis, Mogwai and Travis; The Tunnel, another favourite of big name acts, it attracts a loyal following and is packed to the rafters every weekend. Spread out over three rooms (including a rather nifty VIP lounge) The Tunnel is fondly thought of as the daddy of all Glasgow's clubs; The Horseshoe Bar, arguably the city's best know bar. It still claims to have the world's longest bar (no prizes for guessing the shape). The clientele is a cross section of the city's populace, from local piss artists to city suits and tourists. Food is great value for money, and if you ever fancy a scotch pie and beans for your lunch, this is the place to visit. Be sure to take a look at famous band Travis's Platinum and Gold awards (*cough*).
If you eat in a Scottish restaurant you should leave a tip of at least 10% unless the service was unsatisfactory. Waiting staff are often paid derisory wages on the assumption that the money will be supplemented by tips. Some restaurants include a service charge on the bill, in which case a gratuity is unnecessary.
Some of the most common Scottish dishes are Haggis, Scotland's national dish. It does sound quite disgusting to foreigners because of its ingredients, but doesn't really taste as bad as one might think. Haggis is made up of chopped heart, liver and lungs of a sheep and then cooked in a sheep's stomach bag. Nowadays, you can buy and cook Haggis in plastic bags. It is served with clapshot, which is tatties and neeps mashed together (that's mashed potatoes and turnips). Porridge is a dish traditionally associated with Scotland. It is made of oats cooked in either milk or water, and is served with salt or sugar and milk. One of the most popular snacks (which lately it seems to be more popular as a Scottish staple than a snack here in Glasgow) are the Deep Fried Mars Bars which's home city is Glasgow. Most fast food joints and fish and chips shops sell the item, at roughly 60 pence a go, mainly to school children and young adults. Another classic treat are the Jacob's Cream Crackers. These aren't Scottish, but a classic British snack. Each cracker has imprinted on it "Jacob's Cream Crackers" in case you forget what you are eating.
Necessity or pleasure, flush or broke, hate it or love it, we all do it. Shopping. Glasgow, the second largest retail centre in the UK, is second only to London as a shopping destination. For the record, the shopping areas in Glasgow are huge and I can't mention them all. Glasgow encompasses a variety and quality of shops matched only by the shopping energy of its inhabitants. With a range of independent retailers and second hand shops, the city reinforces the old cliché that there is "something for everyone". The mainstream city centre shopping "experience" can basically be described as being composed of the "big three". The three main streets - Sauchiehall, Argyle and Buchanan.
Record shops are spread out - it is easy to find HMV, Borders and Virgin. To find second-hand stockists you might as well go to the Barrowland (known as The Barras). The Merchant City area and the West End have a wealth of unique bookshops, antique stores and second-hand clothing emporia, but enough about me.
At The Italian Centre, you can find a selection of the finest Italian designer stores, up market fashion shops and the UK's first Versace store. Other stylish shops can be found at the Prince's Square and Argyll Arcade. The "big tree" has got the lot.
The classic tourist souvenir is a kilt and everything else involving the tartan. Note that a real kilt is much more expensive and is made of heavy wool. Most souvenir stores only offer unauthentic thin ones. If you really want a genuine kilt or full traditional outfit the best place to look is a clothing hire shop. The kilt is part of the Highland Dress, which is the national dress for Scotland. Apart from Burns Night (25th Jan), and special occasions, such as University graduation, marriage, and Highland Dancing (performance not practice). In this case, women wear them as well, but in every other situation it's only men. It is rarely worn by the majority of Scots. Many people from Scotland never wear it at all. Whisky is also a common buy and huge differences in price and taste can be found.
The West End is the city's busy, stylish area, it also boasts all kinds of interesting shops and it is known for it concentration of the famous and the nearly famous. Byres Road is where you are likely to bump into the highest acreage of celebrities. With the BBC studios just at the top of the road, STV studios not far away, King's Theatre, The Pavilion, The Royal Concert Hall, and many more 'luvvie workplaces' within walking distance, you'd be hard pushed not to bump into someone - a face you recognise but can't quite put a name to - on a busy Saturday afternoon.
As stated in the Brit Regional Guide, if your celebrity is Scottish
(well, Brit in general really) they will know most of these people.
Bands, actors and other British celebrities.
I've already mentioned The Barras, but I'll tell you a wee bit more about it. It's a really dodgy market at the weekends during the day, with lots of illegal stuff. It's possible to pick up great bargains there, but to be honest, I think the market is a bit overrated. As a venue for music gigs though, it's fantastic! Lots of bands rate this place as their favourite venue in Britain, or even the world - the atmosphere is just great, and the sign outside is just so tacky if a good band is playing while you're in the city and they're at the Barrowlands: GET TICKETS! Bigger bands tend to play at the SECC (formerly the Barrowland Ballroom).
Glaswegians have a unique sense of humour, and strong loyalty to their own city. The Glasgow Patter is a local, anglicised variety of Scots which is often humorous and hilarious to those who understand it - who are usually only natives of the city. STV (Scottish Television) is Scotland's largest independent television station and produces programs in both English and Gaelic. Chewin' the Fat, a quite popular show in Glasgow and (arguably) one of the best, is a comedy series set in Scotland and it makes fun of the Glaswegian dialect, which is why some people don't find it even a bit funny. There is also a spin-off from this show called Still Game, which is brilliant (don't stone me). BBC1 Scotland and BBC2 Scotland have mostly the same programs as the rest of the UK, but have regional news (and shows like Chewin' the Fat and Still Game). River City is the most popular Scottish-based soap opera, also shown on BBC.
English is the official language of Scotland and is spoken by... more or less everyone. Gaelic is also spoken by around 60,000 people, mainly it is spoken in the Western Isles, but not in Orkney or Shetland. Glaswegian is a rich and vital living dialect which gives a true reflection of the city with all its virtues and vices. Many believe that the "Glaswegian" accent has a rather pugnacious, Rottweiler-like tone. It is more than an alternative pronunciation. I'll only give a couple of examples, I think two are enough to give you an idea.
"Ye ken haw barmy a' af this is, richt?"
(You know how stupid all of this is, right?)
"Och, dae a hae tae clowt th gandge aff yer coupon agane?"
(Argh, do I have to slap the grin off your face again?)
This 'accent' is also known as Weggie. Although the term Weggie is often used in different ways. It is sometimes used as a derogatory term for Glaswegians, and on the other hand, some Glaswegians use it as an affectionate term to call themselves.
Well, this is has been my wee guide to Glasgow. I hope some people find it helpful, and most importantly, I hope most people actually use it.
