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The Shy Girl's Guide to Surviving MBP
and
Succeeding At This Journal Thing

Orinally posted in Mena Suvari's journal, for the occasion of her 6-month-anniversary in the MBP universe, and she gave us permission to reproduce it here. This beautiful piece gives you tips on how to make your journal and interaction more fun to you and everybody around.

0. Some kind of introduction.
1. Have Something to Say.
2. Know People.
3. Know Where You're Going and Where You've Been, Publically and Privately.
4. Be At Least As Interested In Other People As Your Own Ego.
5. Have a Life Outside The Industry.
6. Fun and Humor, People.

Date created: 2005-01-19 23:08:20
Journal entries: 88
Comments: Posted: 862 - Received: 947

Six months ago today, I got this journal as an act of rebellion against where I was going with my life, although I couldn't see it clearly at the time. Everything was wrong, and it took writing here to stop it and turn it all around. And while there are many things in my life that are now different and are not perfect, I know where the credit goes. It belongs here, and with any number of people who stood by me, yelled at me, entertained me, and got me safely to the next phase in my life. Thank you all. I think I have my first civilians watching, which is either kind of like making it all over again -- or kind of freaky and weird. A little of both, maybe.

Most people wait for a year to get this maudlin, congratulatory, and to say the kinds of things I'm writing about in this entry, but I've always been the girl who risks sounding like a fool when she thinks she sees the answer or knows something she has to share. Six months is as good a time as any to hold forth on this particular subject. As always, I mean well. Flames can go to me. Praise can go to marla_sokoloff, who actually made me think about making this entry for some time, after one of our long best-buddy conversations, as well as a handful of others who've contributed discussions to this. You can skip what follows, but I'm feeling ruminative about the journaling experience here.

I am, while very friendly, one of the more timid people you will find here at MBP and around in person. I fear change, I talk about introducing myself to people more than I do it, and am generally not the first person who leaps to mind when you consider the outgoing people who frequently do best in this sort of environment. That I've made it to six months and intend to make it at least six more -- hell, years to come -- is something of a surprise. There are better celeb-bloggers than me who have died off since I've come here (and more's the pity). There are some people who've made brilliant starts, only to disappear. There are others who manage to hold on either with panache, just taking their natural place, or more like me: through sheer force of will and figuring out how to have a comfortable niche. There are also people who hold on to their journals, usually those just starting out, who seem lost as to how to cope, but who maybe just haven't quite found what they need to send their sparks of promise into full-blown fired-up participation. It's mostly these people I'm thinking about, because I've had lots of moments of being in their shoes, and still do. Doing this is the easiest thing in the world -- make your journal, type your entry, comment to others, go -- and yet, very hard due to the need to interact and the ultimate need to be interesting, if only to yourself.

Here are the things I wish someone had told me before I started, the suggestions I would make to anyone who wanted to start a journal, especially those who, like me, consider AIM a frightening beast to be handled with care, or those who are just a little intimidated by the whole thing and the huge panoply of people who can be encountered in the strange online version of celebrity we play out here.

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1. Have Something to Say.

This should be obvious, but judging by any given friendspage, it's not. If you have never had your friendspage fill up with nothing - "Welcome Wagon, Welcome Wagon, meme, oneliner, meme, MBP Suggest, Suggest, Wagon, Suggest, GOD HOW MANY (American Idols/Degrassi Kids/fill in the trendy blank) do we need?" - you are probably someone with better filters set up than I have, for one thing. But seriously, watch the number of journals that die out after two brilliant entries, sometimes. That's really common here, that people start out without thinking that they need to make regular updates of more substance or entertainment value than "I'm still here. I don't really know what to say." There are so many entries here that say nothing, that people flock to those who really do say something in droves. If you don't really know what to say, you are going to need to find something to talk about fast, or consider some other hobby than journaling, because this is all about finding things to say, both about yourself and to other people. Journals without a clear point of view are less fun to read, because the entire appeal of this medium is giving others a view on who you are. You can be cryptic until the cows come home so long as those cryptic messages actually say something to the reader or give an accurate idea of your own crypticism. Therefore, hold off on memes, at least until you get your feet under you with a new journal or one you're picking up again. Focus on figuring out what you have to say, and writing about things that interest you or entertain you. This is particularly important if you're not going to be extremely active on AIM (like, say, me, and many others). Crucial, in fact; people need to be exposed to you to like you. If you rarely talk on AIM, then you have to get comfortable with other methods: comment like a fiend and post a lot. If you can't do at least one of the three -- good posts, regular comments, or AIM -- you may find trouble in getting started here. Much as stars need to court the press, so too do you need to court the reader. If you're boring even yourself, you're running the risk of burning out. Lest you think that means you're going to be judged harshly by people here, understand that most people here, much like in the real world, are endlessly curious. A little entertainment, or throwing us a bone of some real substance, and we're happy, but nobody's going to be interested in an endless diet of "Nothing much is happening. Where is everyone? I think I'll take a poll." The people who last here, I observe, are the ones who are always telling us something more than that, in every entry -- even the short ones.

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2. Know People.

Let's subtitle this section "Everyone Needs a Marla Sokoloff".

I was pretty solid - not great, but solid - here before I got the blessing of Marla Sokoloff in my life, but it wasn't until her arrival that much more dimension got added to everything that I've done here. Now, those of you who know Marla understand that she is outgoing, fearless, deeply involved and committed, a girl with a story and the boldness to go carry it out, the sort of girl who will think nothing of joining your chat, starting her own, dragging you across the country, booty-calling your MBP crush on your behalf -- absolutely nothing stops her. Watch the whole community awhile, and you can pinpoint her and several other similar forces of nature.

If you are as shy as I am, I urge you: get yourself a Marla. (She's mine, but I share, and there are others.) Find yourself a celebrity costar who likes you who is more connected than you are. Make yourself a best friend, or get yourself a lover everyone wants to hook up with. Not only are the Marlas of this world often some of the warmest, most wonderful people you are likely to meet, but gossip makes MBP go 'round, and they are the ones pushing the world a little bit faster. Knowing who's doing what with whom is invaluable if you ever want to join in yourself, or even if you want to just make sure not to step on someone's toes hard, which is often all too possible when you're new.

More than having a Marla, it's really important to go out of your way to cement yourself a few relationships where you get to know people very well here, and you invite them closer. It's a lot easier to be someone who has held onto some deep friendships (or longstanding enmities) from their favorite ensemble casts than to be the loner whose castmates say "who? Oh, them." Get on AIM enough to at least talk to those people if you can, and if you can't, don't let their entries swim by around you uncommented. The ties that bind are important to keep up with.

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3. Know Where You're Going and Where You've Been, Publically and Privately.

OK. There's little more embarrassing than suddenly being informed you're somewhere across the world from where you've claiming you've been, although it happens all the time. Schedules often demand we lie or dissemble in lj-land, and sometimes we slip the leashes of handlers and studios to jet across the world to see one another anyway, despite what the press claims.

But if anything is more embarrassing than that, it's when you make more obvious mistakes. You know - like forgetting entire films or albums you've done, or not recognizing someone you've worked with or have every reason to know better than might be immediately apparent. Take it with good grace if you make one of these mistakes; almost everybody makes one sometime. But at the same time, if you don't know what films you're doing, how are you staying employed? If you don't keep up with your career, who else is going to? (Note: It's more humiliating if the answer is 'somebody' than if it's 'nobody', but neither answer is a good one.)

You've also got a past. Unless you're noted for really loving the blow or the ganja in your spare time or otherwise having severe mental trauma, remember that you have parents, that you likely have siblings and friends not in the industry, and that once upon a time, you were a kid, not some entertain-o-bot grown in a vat, preparing for the day you rampage over the landscape. (Although recent behavior by Tom Cruise might make you wonder -- sorry, cruisetom, don't hit, I kid because I love.) Sometimes, people knew you when. There's probably somebody in the industry who worked on my Rice-a-Roni commercial; you probably know somebody from auditioning for Jell-O Pudding commercials or something. It's tacky not to remember some of the more obvious little details about yourself and your history, and more than that, it gives you a lot to write about. If you can't write your travelogue, write your memoir.

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4. Be At Least As Interested In Other People As Your Own Ego.

Talking about yourself all the time is pretty dull. Cards on the table. You will get fed up with your journal if you're participating in a vacuum without responses and connections. But a lot of people only comment frequently to those they know well.

The obvious solution is to become well-known, but that doesn't happen overnight, and it definitely doesn't happen if you never reach out to other people. And much as when I say that you maybe won't enjoy yourself if you have nothing to say, it's hard to enjoy this place if you're not at least a little curious about what other people have to say, and prepared to talk to them about it, and especially not if you're not willing to start friending people and reading and responding to what they have to say. You have to take the first step and start building common ground with other people, because expecting them to come to you is missing the point. In a world with hundreds of other celebrities, you will get at least as much notice for the attention you offer to others as what you try to court on your own behalf.

Tell you why this is: we are all attention whores to some degree. If you're a performer in particular, chances are you do what you do because you like the responses you get from it; you want to be seen, you want to be heard, and for yourself, not just because you're famous. It is safe to bet that everyone on here loves attention and interest in who they are, what they've done, their past, all the rest. "I love your work" is a cliche, and so is "I love that song you're listening to" here, but it's hard to come up with things to say to people unless you really are paying attention to them.

You don't need to give up your whole life and ego towards writing about others or commenting, but it's more fun to engage people about things that interest them and make them talk about themselves than it is to sit back, make your posts, and hope that someone else will engage you. If you want to be interesting, be interested. At the very least, consider expanding your friendslist regularly, and adding everyone who interests you even a little. It's the best way to start letting people know you're interested.

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5. Have a Life Outside The Industry.

I am more than just an actress. I am a painter in watercolors and an artist; I have my own jewelry line. I have older brothers who like to treat me like the younger only-girl-in-the-family I am, and I have an ex-husband now. This goes back to remembering your past, but it's a lot more than that. People who live only for work and update only when they have a new movie -- what will they have to say when there's downtime? What kind of life are they leading, if all that's lived for is the next role, the next time they pretend to be someone they aren't?

There are political activists here, people who live their causes -- I'm thinking Leonardo DiCaprio when it comes to money where his mouth is, you can tell he really means his environmental concerns -- people who are real animal people that would consider crying if they actually had to eat a poor chicken and people who are real animal people who love them best grilled rare. There are people here who campaigned for Kerry and for Bush, and people here who can make a good case for why entertainers have a duty towards personal political apathy. There are people here who have second careers with fashion lines; there are people here who have second careers in music or acting. There are people here who have best friends who you'd never hear about in the industry but who intersect in surprising ways. There are people here who hate exercise, and people here who go to the same exercise classes, or shop in the same supermarket as you. There are people with kids, and love lives taking off, and who are becoming famous for the first time and learning all about it; there are people you never heard of but you should know, because they're fascinating whether or not they make a million dollars. You could be that interesting: you just have to write about it somewhere.

There's a lot you do off the set, and I hope to God there's more you think about than being oh so famous. Talk about it. We already know you're a star. Tell us something new.

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6. Fun and Humor, People.

Think of the ten people on your friendslist you most want to read regularly. How many of them are witty and funny and always having a good time? For me, ten for ten make me laugh regularly.

There you go. Deep thoughtful entries are very well and good, but sometimes you just want to read a post with someone's head cropped and added to a ridiculous picture, and an account of a good hilarious drunken debauch out of Hunter S. Thompson. If that's not your particular style, consider quieter wit, but even dark and moody sorts can indulge in some black humor now and then. Don't forget it.

And that is what I have to say, from my vantage point of six months. Watch this space for what I think after a year or more. I'm still here to stay.

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