Miami
By "Janet Jackson"
Miami is a huge city, composed of a few smaller areas
(which you could call towns) and some larger
well-known areas. First off you have The City of
Miami, Kendall, Sweetwater, Cutler Ridge, Homestead,
which was devastated by Hurricane Andrew back in
August of 1994. Downtown Miami, where every
government and official office you could think of is.
Then you have Miami Beach, Miami Shores, Key Biscayne,
and Biscayne Bay, which are all on a peninsula. I
know, Florida is a peninsula but those towns are on a
peninsula off to the right of the Florida Peninsula
and we usually call Key Biscayne and Biscayne Bay, The
Bay. North Miami, Opa-Locka, Hialeah, and Hialeah
Gardens, are not really areas that you want to talk
about and no one in LJ land is from these areas and
really you just want to avoid any mention of the
Hialeah areas. I could go on but these here are the
most important. I doubt anyone playing a celeb from
Miami will be from a town not mentioned here.
Locally, Miami is a huge melting pot of Latin-American
culture. Literally you get off the plane at Miami
International Airport and even the airport is a
culture shock. You hear so many different accents:
English, Cuban, Columbian, Venezuelan, Peruvian,
Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Haitian, Jamaican
and so many more, but please do not mistake any one of
these nationalities for one another, it'll get ugly if
you do.
This brings us to the nationality that almost every 9
out of 10 people in Miami are, Cuban. Cubans are
unique. Their preferred language is Spanish but then
you have the Cuban-Americans, which will argue that
with you. It's an argument that I've been involved in
many times. Here's a situation: You go to the
McDonald's drive thru, you pull up to order and the
person who's manning the microphone says, "Hola,
bienvenidos a McDonalds, puedo tomar tu order?
(Translation: Hi, welcome to McDonalds, can I take
your order?)" Now, It's safe to say that most people
who hear that know what she said because they're
bilingual, but there's always going to be that one
person who's not. It's a problem that I'm sure a lot
of cities have; we've had people go to the city
council and petition to have Miami's official language
be changed to Spanish. Here's a useful fact, if you
walk into any business in the Greater Miami area, the
person who owns it or the person who assists you will
most likely initially speak to you in Spanish or they
speak a broken form of English. The whole situation
can be summed up by something a non-Spanish speaker
said to the City council one day, "Miami's great but
if you don't speak Spanish, you're fucked," and then
walked off muttering about, "those damn Cubans."
You can't really play a celeb from Miami or a celeb
that visits Miami without talking about certain Radio
stations. Any musical artist who's Latin has to know
about the Cuban run AM News stations like Radio Mambi
(710AM) and La Cubanisima (1180AM). Also there are
the Spanish FM stations, which are El Sol 95 (95.7FM),
Salsa 98 (98.3FM), and AMOR (107.5FM). If you're
promoting in Miami and your target audience is Spanish
speaking you're going to stop by one of those
stations. For the English-speaking artists you're
going to hit three main stations and one alternative
station. The first is Power 96 (96.5FM) and you're
most likely going to speak to DJ Laz or Al B Sylk.
Next is the top 40 station, Y100 (100.7FM) and the
morning show's hosts Kenny and Footy are whom you'll
be speaking to. Finally the local 60's, 70's, 80's
and 90's station Mega 103 (103.5FM) where Gino Latino
& Myriam Masihy will ask you smartass pop music
trivia. Now, if your celeb is going to be on either
Y100 or Mega 103, then they're going to be on both
because they are owned by the same company and in the
same building. Then there's the rock/alternative
station Zeta (94.9FM) where Paul, Young Ron and Toast
will berate you with rude remarks, but you'll only be
on there if you're an artist in that genre of music,
they're very picky.
Miami's local government is a joke. I'm sure you all
have seen the reports about how we can't even vote
properly. Corrupt county commissioners, corrupt
police chiefs, and basically corrupt everything has
contributed to the city's instability. The city Miami
is found in Miami-Dade County. Alex Penelas is our
mayor and is a household name. Fidel Castro and the
Cuban government is a common topic of discussion
amongst everyone and if you really want to rile up the
people of Miami, just bring that up.
Finally, we come to Cuban coffee. If you don't know
about this, it's a dead give away you're not from
Miami. You can stop at any bakery, Cuban or not, and
get a shot of Cuban coffee, which is the normal coffee
you all know multiplied by 20 and served in a cup
smaller than a shot glass. That's how strong it is.
It looks like tar, tastes great, and when you have it
once you'll be hooked for life.
